i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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