idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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