the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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