So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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