she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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