Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
