Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
