Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
