We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
MIDGETS
????
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
