If you die in college, do you die in real life?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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