the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
