ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
