Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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