a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
