he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
that is very illegal...i love you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
