i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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