So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
