i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
