The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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