i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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