4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
