it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
