I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's blow job season.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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