You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
