....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
