john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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