i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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