listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
