I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
