my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
