I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
