i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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