cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
