So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
