WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
