Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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