Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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