so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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