Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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