what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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