All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
