There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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