I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
