I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
