; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize