I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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