We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
