You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Damn victory sex feels great
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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