just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
