yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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