we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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