so that wasnt chicken after all
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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