How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
