Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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