How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
