my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
