I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
