There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
