I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they're like a gay fantastic four
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
