i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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