is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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