I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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